


Deep Space Nine season 8 episode prompts

by BigGayShipper



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: I can’t tag, Multi, Plain and simple crack, humor I guess, inspired by the Twitter account TNG season 8, this has no point
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:27:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 3,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29339031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BigGayShipper/pseuds/BigGayShipper
Summary: It’s Ds9 season 8 episode prompts. I found the Twitter account TNG season 8 and my mom, my sister, and I thought of some Ds9 versions.(I accidentally messed up while putting out some chapters so some of the prompts might have been repeated. I’ve gone back and fixed the issue)
Relationships: Julian Bashir/Elim Garak
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy lol. This is my first thing I’ve made on here and I have no idea what I’m doing. (I don’t own Star Trek, Paramount does)

Morn has somehow been appointed as the new Kai, much to the shock of everyone. Meanwhile, Bajor has a new water park and some old Bajorans are rioting because “Water parks will distract people from the wishes of the prophets” Sisko has to temporarily leave the wormhole to explain that the prophets really don’t care if you build a Water park or not.

Q shows up on the station to announce his marriage to Picard. Picard shows up to announce that Q is lying. Everyone’s disappointed that there won’t be a station wedding so to boost morale Bashir calls Garak to the station and proposes to him so that there will be a wedding after all.

Deep Space Nine’s “crazy hat day” goes horribly wrong when people start wearing hats with political slogans on them. Meanwhile, Quark buys a moon and in the process, accidentally buys a bus full of Bajoran orphans.

Molly O’Brien learns to breakdance. There’s no subplot to this. It’s a two parter and the second part is called “Molly learns to breakdance 2: The Electric Boogaloo.


	2. Chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its just more stuff I guess lol.

Kassidy has her baby but immediately after she gives birth she is possessed by a space entity and while under its influence she names the baby “Lumpy” by the time she’s back to normal everyone has heard the name and hundreds of Bajorans are naming their children “Lumpy”. During this, Ezri’s been hiding cardboard cutouts of Odo around the station in order to scare Quark.

There is a galaxy-wide fast day after Kai Morn falls off his barstool and breaks his leg. Meanwhile, on his way to visit the station, Miles is replaced by a rouge changeling. The crew catches on immediately because nothing bad happens to imposter Miles.

Worf goes on a spiritual journey with Alexander and Kirayoshi. Yoshi comes back speaking fluent Klingon and Worf and Alexander now have matching tatoos. Back on the station, Quark accidentally sells his soul to an alien in a game of Tongo and needs to win a rap-battle to get it back.

Kira takes a game of laser-tag too seriously and winds up breaking an ensign’s wrist. Julian is trapped in a space-rift by a non-corporeal entity and the only way to escape is to eat a whole can of cooked beets.

Garak goes on a spying mission to find out who’s been anonymously publishing steamy novel-length Garak x Julian fan fictions only to find out it was Julian all along. In a surprising turn of events he also finds out that Miles was his co-writer and Keiko was making the cover art.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)


	3. Chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here’s more of this pointlessness. Enjoy lol

Jake gets kidnapped by the Gorn who takes him to the alternate universe where they are writing Star Trek (AKA our universe) so that Jake can get a job there as a writer so he can write more Gorn episodes. Also, Ds9 adds a water slide to the station that goes through space all the way down to Bajor’s water park. The slide is now used instead of taking a runabout to Bajor.

On his way to the station, Garak gets sent through a temporal distortion that puts him on the original Enterprise. He sees Bones and Spock bickering and immediately thinks they’re a couple. When he gets back Julian tells him that it was actually Kirk and Spock that were a couple, Garak is still convinced there was something between Bones and Spock.

Nog goes back in time and accidentally kills the man who invented the plastic lawn flamingo. When he tries to return to his own time he learns that because of his actions the Romulans have conquered Earth. Nog then has to go back again and stop himself from killing the guy who invented the plastic lawn flamingos.

Worf gets a tamogatchi pet and names it gaagh. He loses it while on a mission and goes on a quest for vengeance so that gaagh can get into Stovokor. Meanwhile, business is booming at Quark’s because Quark started putting mini umbrellas in all the drinks after Kai Morn asked for one in his drink.

Deep Space Nine’s poetry slam ends in tears and violence, details not included. Back on Cardassia, Garak stars in the new show “Keeping up with the Cardassians”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)


	4. Chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I made more, no one can stop me.

Two badly damaged ships come through the wormhole seeking repairs. The ships belong to two species who are at war. The first ship belong to the “Combrians” who are all played by Jeffrey Combs. The second one belongs to the “Spinerians” who are all player by Brent Spiner. The station is plunged into chaos when the captains of both ships fall in love.

Odo comes back to the station because one of the changelings had a song stuck in their head and now the whole link won’t stop humming it. Quark almost has a heart attack when Odo decides to greet him by hiding in Quark’s shower.

Quark starts selling Silly Bandz for ridiculous prices after Kai Morn claims them to be a sacred item. On a trip to the Bajoran water park, Ezri has a religious awakening after eating the overpriced popsicles.

Jake gets framed for murder by a hostile alien. Jake is immediately found innocent because the murder weapon was one of Sisko’s good chef’s knives. Everyone on the station with an ounce of sense knows that Jake would never dare defile one of his dad’s good knives like that. Also, Ds9 gets a gift shop.

Odo finds some of the 100 changelings. The changelings have formed a theater troupe and put on some great performances on the station. Meanwhile, a flock of space-adapted birds fly through the wormhole and start perching on the pylons.

Garak finds a device that allows him to travel between dimensions. He’s smart enough to know not to do anything that will mess stuff up so he uses it to travel to our dimension and slap Rick Berman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, thanks for reading it really means a lot to me :)


	5. Chapter five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Today is an extra long chapter for Valentine’s Day and Andy Robinson’ Birthday. Enjoy :)

Dr Giger (that crazy scientist from “In the cards” remember him?) shows up on the station and wants to talk to Jake and Nog. Turns out, he was able to use his cellular entertainment chamber thing to make a new Weyoun. Weyoun and Dr Giger are now engaged and they want Jake and Nog to both be best man for their upcoming wedding. Odo is assigned to be lookout during the ceremony so that The Soulless Minions of Orthodoxy can’t get in.

Quark and Kira get stuck in the holosuite program of “Vulcan Love Slave: The Holiday Special”. Brunt shows up and has security called on him by a Bajoran spiritual guru because “His aura was so off it should be a crime”

The replicators malfunction and only produce banana yoghurt. Unlucky for everyone, all non-replicated food on the station has been thrown out the airlock, as advised by Kai Morn after he had a rather disturbing vision.

Nog gets arrested for Rickrolling a visiting ambassador. Lwaxana shows up and regales everyone with embarrassing stories about Deanna.

Selfie sticks are outlawed after an angry Bajoran used one to attack an Andorian who supposedly looked like her ex.

On Valentine’s Day Julian programs the replicator to make those candy hearts with phrases on them. It doesn’t turn out the way he hoped because all the hearts say stuff like “I love your ex”, “Go away”, “Live bad, I die”, or “Luv ur ears bby”. The only one deemed satisfactory is “U look like Kai Morn”.

Odo receives an invitation to a birthday party on Romulous. He is surprised to see that everyone else on that station also got one. When they arrive the realize that the party is for a young Romulan boy who told his used-to-be friend “I’m gonna invite everyone in the whole world to my birthday party except you!”

While visiting Miles at Starfleet academy Julian pretends to be a student so that he can attend the academy’s Scholastic book fair. On the station some crazy cult-leader comes to the station and starts preaching nonsense. Sisko temporarily leaves the wormhole to raise his voice in moral outrage at the guy. 

Data comes to the station to share his knowledge of memes with Julian. The two play darts together and it quickly becomes annoying when every time someone throws a dart they yell “Yeet!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading.


	6. Bonus Valentine’s Day Chapter!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I could have included in the previous chapter but I didn’t because I am both illogical and lazy.

Garak sends Julian a legion of Teddy bears for Valentine’s Day. Each bear is equipped with a box of chocolate and a paper containing an opinion they can argue about. Julian goes to Ezri in hysterics because he has no idea what he can give Garak that would possibly compare to what he got from Garak. At a loss for ideas, Ezri sarcastically suggests he could put on a play for Garak. Julian listens and puts on a five-act musical all about how much he loves him. Meanwhile, the group of genetically enhanced people come to the station with a machine that will focus an energy beam on the wormhole that will make it open in a heart shape. Several Bajorans are outraged but it turns out Kai Morn funded the project.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading 💖💖💖. And Happy Biryday to Andy Robinson!!!!


	7. Chapter seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The madness continues.

Miles gets stuck with a group of children when a kindergarten class goes on a field trip to the academy. To keep them entertained he leads them on a “treasure hunt”. Unable to think of a “treasure” he tells them that the real treasure was the friends they made along the way. The children now have an oath to kill Miles. Back on Cardassia, Garak fights a sentient watermelon.

When the universal translator fails, the ops crew learn that most of the words they know in other languages are profanities. From then on, everyone has to learn at least two languages on Duolingo.

Ezra gets hypnotized to think she’s an American dad and keeps telling dad jokes and calling everyone “sport” and “champ”. It’s all fun and games until she almost burns down the station while trying to grill something in ops.

After eating a suspicious looking fruit Julian gets some weird alien sickness and keeps having weird fever dreams with stuff like Kukalaka trying to feed him beets. Garak has to come to the station to take care of him. Meanwhile, Dr Giger and Weyoun come to the station to tell Jake and Odo that they’ve adopted a baby and named it “Jake Odo Giger”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading ☺️🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Knock, Knock  
> Who’s there?  
> Not.  
> Not who?  
> Not my sanity, I lost it when I first got obsessed with Star Trek.

Odo finds a changeling who’s preferred form is a human sitting on an office chair with wheels. Everyone is slightly unsettled by constantly seeing someone zooming around the hallways while sitting in a chair. Meanwhile, Jake starts publishing mad-libs for the Starfleet Academy newspaper.

Quark gets trapped in a nightmare where Odo is chasing him on all fours. Q shows up and turns all the pylons into giant bananas “just because”. To make him go away, Sisko reaches out of the wormhole and punches him.

Julian, Kira, Nog, and Odo get sent through a space distortion into another reality where the station is home to 57 Weyoun’s and one very miserable Damar. Every time Odo tries to say something there is a deafening chorus of “The founder is wise!!”. Kira has to mercy-kill Damar to put him out if his Weyoun-filled misery.

On his way to a medical conference, Julian crash lands on a planet where the moon is actually made of cheese. Meanwhile back at the ranch, Ezri is banned from trivia night because she talks too much.

There’s a holosuite uh-oh and the crew gets stuck in a holonovel of “The Cat in the Hat”. Miles, who picked the wrong time to visit the station accidentally kills Thing One, Thing Two takes an oath of vengeance. Meanwhile, Kai Morn accidentally buys a haunted toupee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading 👁👄👁


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do you an autistic teenager with a Star Trek obsession and too much time on their hands?
> 
> Me.

Movie night at Julian’s quarters goes wrong when they get an alien virus that makes them only speak in references to their favorite movies. They have to marathon a whole bunch of movies and shows so that everyone will get each other’s references. Everyone is slightly surprised when Worf and Julian start talking in My Little Pony references. Amidst the chaos, Brunt comes to the station and the Bajoran spiritual guru that previously had him arrested gives him some crystals to help with his aura.

The crew goes camping and has a singalong. The whole episode is just everyone singing campfire songs and coughing profusely when the smoke blows in their direction. In the background, a Gorn is pacing in circles.

The Enterprise crew visits Ds9, some crazy space-thingy disruption causes everyone to lose their memories and Data and Julian (who were talking in the Klingon restaurant) think they’re married. Garak is there too and doesn’t know why he’s so outrageously jealous seeing Data and Julian together. Odo thinks that he’s a sentient chair and refuses to take any other form.

Ezri adopts a very blind Cardassian vole and names him “Wrinkles”. Wrinkles gets fat because Ezri keeps giving him treats and she has to travel to Cardassia to find a vole-specialist who can recommend a diet for Wrinkles. Back on Earth, Molly goes through an emo phase.

Odo gets possessed and writes a romance novel called “Skele-man’s Bone-Chilling Romance Adventure” about a skeleton who falls in love with a Breen. The skeleton can’t pronounce several letters because he doesn’t have any lips, this also makes the kissing scenes very awkward. The book somehow becomes a bestseller and hundreds of Bajorans buy it because Kai Morn says it’s his favorite book.

Worf gets addicted to corn dogs and buys 79 cases worth of them from a shady arms dealer who just happened to have corn dogs in stock. Worf later regrets it when he realizes the corn dogs had been frozen since 2031. Meanwhile, Julian’s augmented friends get rich after predicting what the next popular show will be and selling super expensive merch for it.

Kira accidentally summons the ghost of a redshirt while trying to make a chocolate soufflé. The ghost possesses Kira, hoping that with a physical body he can finally get back at the man who sent him to his death- Captain Kirk. He’s very disappointed to learn that Kirk’s already dead so he opts for editing a bunch of pictures of Kirk to make him look really ugly. After the ghost leaves Kira wonders why she is suddenly running a Captain Kirk hate blog.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading 🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I made an uh-oh while publishing my chapters so now I’m going back and fixing them.

Jake is put in charge of continuing the “Vulcan Love Slave” saga after the original creator dies. Unsure of what to do, he asks the prophets for advice. Captain Sisko appears to him in a vision and tells him that if he doesn’t continue the saga then the world will be destroyed. “Vulcan Love Slave 6: Sins of the Father” becomes a massive success across the galaxy.

Ezri challenges Quark to a dance-battle, Kai Morn is appointed as judge. Everyone is sure that Ezri will win but Quark blows everyone away with his superb Irish dancing techniques. Weyoun comes to the station under the guise of just wanting to watch the dance-off but he’s actually there to get a picture of Odo to frame and hang in his living room.

The station is in shambles because the crew refuses to talk to each other after a feud broke out on game night when Julian introduced everyone to Monopoly. Kira swears it was turbulence that made the board flip off the table.

Weyoun gets a job as a starship salesman. There’s no subplot to this, it’s just Weyoun bribing people into buying ships.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading 🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊🐊


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What did the asteroid say to the starship?
> 
> Nothing. Asteroids can’t talk.
> 
> (Also my chapters got slightly messed up so I’m going back and fixing them so now they’re fixed lol.)

Someone throws up while going on the Ds9-Bajor waterslide and some poor engineer has to clean it because the self-clean feature isn’t waterproof. Wrinkles is proclaimed to be the new station mascot and gets free gourmet vole food for life.

Lwaxana Troi comes to the station to show Odo the chihuahua she adopted. Odo’s unsure if he should tell her that the chihuahua is actually a lazy, spoiled, changeling. Brunt visits Grand Nagus Rom to sell him some Bajoran crystals and essential oils.

There’s an uh-oh while Julian’s in the holosuite and loses his memory and thinks he’s in the cartel. Julian tries to join the Orion Syndicate so Odo and Kira have to make a fake Orion Syndicate in the holosuite until they can find a way to restore his memory. Meanwhile, Quark goes to the Klingon homeworld to visit Grilka and somehow gets roped into a Klingon pyramid scheme. Martok has to intervene and says that pyramid schemes are without honor.

Worf has a parenting crisis when Alexander wants to tattoo his girlfriend’s name on his forehead. They have to go to family therapy with Ezri who tells him that one of her past hosts did that and regretted it forever. According to Ezri “You can remove the tattoo but you can never remove the shame.”

Weyoun tries various disguises to try to get Odo to sign his copy of “Skele-man’s Bone-Chilling Romance Adventure” his disguises include but are not limited to, mustache glasses, a costume wig, clown makeup, a surprisingly realistic Brunt imitation, fairy wings, a ski-mask, and a surprisingly realistic Andorian imitation. Finally, Odo gives up and pretends to be fooled by the Andorian disguise. Weyoun fan-girl shrieks all the way to the airlock with his newly signed book. Meanwhile, Jake gets sent to write an article about the benefits of Bajor’s water park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading 🐌🐌🐌🐌🐌🐌🐌🐌🐌


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can’t think of anything to put here lol

On his way to visit Rom, Quark’s shuttle gets intercepted by Brunt. Quark thinks Brunt is gonna try to kill him or something but Brunt us just trying to rope him into buying essential oils. To get him to leave, Quark buys a whole case of oils and now the shuttle smells really strongly of Lavender. Back on the station, Julian adopts a lizard and names him Garak Jr.   
Garak Jr. is almost as spoiled as Wrinkles.

Julian gets sent a coded message from an unknown source. He spends days de-coding it and the final result is a set of coordinates and a list of directions. He takes a runabout to the coordinates and ends up on a small moon. When he lands he follows the directions to a small crater where he finds a PADD. He turns on the PADD and realizes, he’s spent days of de-coding only to be Rick-Rolled.

Deep Space Nine gets a petting zoo. It’s a great boost for morale and it seems to be turning out well until after an attack from some hostile aliens from the Gamma Quadrant the animals escape and wreak havoc on the station. Once they are all rounded up, the animals are re-located to a petting zoo on Bajor. Meanwhile on Cardassia, Garak is designated head of the fashion police.

Odo intercepts a shipment of counterfeit Pokémon cards and Quark denies any knowledge of where they came from or who ordered them. Worf keeps getting calls about his Starships extended warranty.

The O’Briens come to the station and Molly teaches Kira how to Breakdance. She also teaches Odo but despite his shapeshift-ing abilities, Odo’s breakdancing did not impress. Meanwhile, Jake is put in charge of babysitting Wrinkles while Ezri’s away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading 🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙🐙


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update, I was having trouble coming up with prompts but now my inspiration has returned. Enjoy 😊

A new clothing shop opens on Ds9 because Garak is on Cardassia. However, it is soon shut down because it was using people in stasis as mannequins and that was freaking people out. Meanwhile, Julian, Ezri, and Quark get put in charge of the station announcements channel but it quickly turns into just station gossip. 

Odo receives a transmission from one of his old contacts asking for safe transport to Ds9. He realizes too late that it was actually a trick from Weyoun to trick Odo into coming to his birthday party. On the station, Kira is still running her Captain Kirk hate blog even though she harbors no ill-will toward him.

Nog and Jake buy a whole bunch of those Dino capsule things because why not? Odo intercepts the shipment thinking that they tried to order illegal medication or drugs. While Jake desperately explains that they aren’t drugs, Nog runs off to get some water for a demonstration. Meanwhile, Wrinkles and Garak Jr have a play date in the holosuite.

Miles gets stuck in a time loop of when he said “You too” when a waiter said “enjoy your meal”. Meanwhile in the Wormhole, Sisko is confused as to why The Prophets insist he has to learn how to do a sick dab.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading 🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖🖖


End file.
